Blurry
by darkrunner
Summary: Mai's drunk. Jounouchi's not. They can't seem to talk to each other about their feelings... but maybe they can yell about them. Drabble about Mai being drunk that got out of hand. Romance is heavily implied but technically optional.


A/N: This has been in my "in progress" folder for two years. It was basically finished, so it was either slap an ending on it or tell myself I'd go back and properly re-edit it but never actually edit it. Mostly it was inspired by myself getting slightly drunk for the first time.

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine. Concept is.

* * *

Jounouchi didn't really ever go to bars. He hated the smell of cigarettes and beer. They smelled like his father's apartment. But he went with Honda beacuse they were friends and they had an unspoken agreement that if Honda needed a drink badly enough, Jounouchi would go, and Honda would stop before it went too far. Or Jounouchi would stop him.

After parting ways, Jounouchi would start home down the increasingly-more-familiar streets of bars where he otherwise had no experience whatsoever. It was on one such night that he finally met her. Why in Domino, why on his street on the one night he actually could find her, neither could say.

"...Jounouchi?" She said his name with surprising clarity, taking into account her behavior from that point onwards. Jounouchi stopped. He normally tried to pay as little attention to the stupid drunk college students as possible, both at their pointless waste of money and his disgust with alcohol of any kind. Now, in the flickering street lights and neon signs, she stepped forward, pratically into his arms.

"Mai?"

Every movement and sound from that point on was completely and utterly without restraint or control. "Jounoooouuuchi," she slurred. "It's... it's really you."

He realized immediately that:

1. he was still hopelessly attached to her, though the extent of those feelings even he was unable to sort out, and

2. she was very, very drunk.

"Yeah," he stammered, stalling for time. Nothing made him more uncomfortable than drunk people. Absolutely nothing. "Yeah, it's me. Erm... what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing here, what are yoooou doing here? I'm here alllll the time!" She gestured vaguely to either the bar or the street, and then pointed and jabbed him in the shoulde.r "Why have I never seen YOU in a bar?"

"Because I don't usually go," he muttered, half wanting to chastise her and half wanting to just get away. (but mostly wishing desperately that she was not completely shit-faced and he could have some kind of normal conversation with her) Louder, he said: "Can I walk you home or something?"

"Home. Yes. That is where I should go." She stumbled presumably in the direction she lived, but tripped. Jounouchi threw out an arm and held her back before she could fall.

"Come on," he sighed, taking a hold of her arm. He'd been the designated driver/walker/subway-finder more times than he could count. "Which way?"

She giggled. That was a bad sign. "Good question. Where are we?"

Oh no. No, he couldn't take her home with him. Never mind taking her home with him DRUNK. That would be bad. That would be beyond bad. That would be criminal-taking-advantage-of-her-everyone-would-think-he-date-raped-her bad.

"Mai, can you tell me how to get you home?" He pratically begged.

"Um... nope," she giggled again. "I'm usually with someone when I get this bad-" Good, at least she could recognize this. "-but they all bailed on me. Assholes." It was weirder to hear her insult people with a laugh than to hear her say it at all.

Oh damn it all. "Do you want to come home with me?"

"...really?"

Her tone of voice made him blush four shades of red. "Just till you sober up."

"I... really, you'll take me home with you? You're not just going to leave me here?"

"No, of course not," he said sincerely. Drunk or not, emotional whirlwind or not, he wasn't just going to leave a friend in the middle of the street at one in the morning.

"Jounouchi..." she linked her arm tightly in his and leaned on his shoulder. Four more shades of red.

"Erm... it's not a problem..." he stammered.

* * *

"...isn't that funny?"

"Yep," he agreed mindlessly, as he had done for the past 20 minutes. The door mercifully opened, and he was finally able to declare: "We're here!" He steered her to the couch and sat her down and went straight to his kitchen to get water.

"Do you have a roommate?" she whispered very loudly.

"No, it's just me."

"Oh, okay!" she dropped the whisper and practically shouted. Jounouchi returned immediately with a glass of water.

"But we still need to be quiet, okay?" He handed her the water. "And drink this."

"Okay!" she stage-whispered again, and drank half the water instantly. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For getting drunk and having to go back with you to sober up." She was oddly serious now. His experience with drunk people was mostly limited to his father, who only had two emotions when drunk: angry and giddy.

"I..." Jounouchi swallowed the truth. He sat upright, and his hands tightened on his knees. "It's okay."

"No, Jounouchi, it's not." Her hands waved about wildly to emphasize her points. "I can't tell you how much you've done for me, and..." She tried in vain to make some kind of hand gesture to represent just how much, but gave up and dropped her arms. "I'm sorry. I'm really drunk."

"Yes. Yes, you are," Jounouchi agreed. He didn't know how long he was able to keep from chastising her. It wasn't any of his business why she was drinking. Whatever he was thinking showed itself, though, because Mai noticed his hostility.

"Hey. Come on," Mai argued. "Everyone has a little too much sometimes. I had some people that were going to take care of me."

"Look how that worked out," Jounouchi muttered, but he knew she heard him. "Never mind. I'm not judging you for being drunk, Mai."

"Yeah you are," she accused, poking him in the arm. "You don't have to lie about it."

"I'm not...!" Jounouchi spluttered. I... I mean, I don't think worse of you or anything-not that I ever-I never had anything bad to think about you-" Jounouchi's tried to salvage his train wreck of a sentence, and finally he blurted, "I just don't like drunk people!"

An awkward silence followed.

"Alright?" Jounouchi asked tentatively.

"You mean... you've never gotten drunk?" Mai wondered.

"No. I don't drink. At all." Jounouchi never thought it was that big of a deal. His friends understood and respected his decision, and save for the few times Honda really wanted Jounouchi for a drinking buddy, never drank around him either, didn't ever for all he knew. He knew there were stupid college students, and that there were responsible adults, too, but he figured there were lots of people like him who didn't want to risk it. Didn't want to lose control.

Mai was apparently not familiar with these people, because her mouth dropped open comically and she stared at him like he'd sprouted a second head. And that head was a Duel Monster.

"Why? How? You're a teenage guy."

"I am not a teenager anymore, Mai."

She cursed. "I'm getting old."

"You're not even thir-"

"Watch how you finish that sentence." Her voice was low and threatening.

"-rrrrtttwwenty... five," Jonouchi stammered, rubbing the back of his neck. Mai giggled at bit, still unrestrained. He relaxed. Mai laughing and stretched out on his couch contrasted with the reserved and nervous Mai he'd seen around the dueling circuit the last couple of months. Even if the smell of alcohol made him queasy, he liked seeing her so carefree again.

"How did I not know you don't drink?" She asked, her laughter settling down into a playful smile. Jounouchi shrugged.

"I dunno. We haven't really seen each other since I WAS a teenager."

"We have so. I see you at duels all the time."

"We make small talk at duels and then don't talk for months." He replioed without thinking. "We haven't had a real conversation since..."

Since the thing that kept them from having a real conversation. Right. Jonouchi mentally flailed about for another topic, and finally just stopped talking and hoped that she wouldn't notice. Mai stared at him as he failed to finish the sentence. She was drunk, not brain-dead. Taking her friend's soul was not something she would ever forget. She casually finished:

"Since I tried to kill you?"

"Mai-! You didn't-I don't care-" Jounouchi spluttered, trying to say all of his unarticulated feelings at once.

"Come on, I'm drunk. We might as well get it out while you can actually drag it out of me."

"There's nothing to 'get out'." Jounouchi said firmly, crossing his arms. "It's over. I don't care about it."

"What does that mean? You 'don't care about it'?" Mai turned to him even though Jounouchi refused to look at her. "Did you hear me? I tried to kill you!"

"I... well, you didn't try to kill me exactly," Jounouchi mumbled. "But-!"

"Take your soul, whatever!" Mai waved her hand impatiently. And drunkenly. He had to dodge to avoid getting hit in the face, but she didn't seem to notice. "Why haven't you thrown it in my face yet? Why do you just say 'hi, I gotta run!' every time I see you in tournments-and won't even LOOK at me when I'm talking to you!" She punctuated the last sentence with a smack in the shoulder.

Jounouchi burned red and flinched from her sudden attack. "...sorry." He shifted to face her. "Better?"

"...yes," she said begrudingly. "Now why'd it take me hitting you to get you to look me in the eye again?"

"I..." Jounouchi wanted to look away, but he forced himself to keep his eyes on her. "Because... ah..."

"Tell me!" Mai smacked the couch for emphasis. Jounouchi winced. That could be him again.

"Because I was partly to blame," he admitted. Mai stared at him.

"Shut up," Mai ordered, seriously. "Don't you even."

"You wanted to know!" Jounouchi protested.

"That's not..." Mai searched for words. "You forgot to call me on the phone and I TRIED TO KILL YOU!"

"Take my-" Jounouchi started weakly.

"DON'T!" Mai ordered. "Just DON'T, it's the same thing, alright? Just let me take responsibility for something in my life! The whole damn thing was my fault, and I can admit that now! You know how long that took? And I want to tell you, but... but you don't talk to me!"

Jounouchi went cold. He remembered Mai's story during their duel - overshadowed by his reputation, nightmares of him walking away, months without any sort of contact from him. And what was he doing now? What had he been doing the last six months since she'd come back to Japan? Ignoring her.

Mai grabbed his arm. She had something more to say and opened her mouth to ask him, "Why-?"

And she stopped. Her eyes widened, and Jounouchi could almost see the thought as it flew into her head. She stared through him a moment, then spun away from him like she couldn't bear to look at him. Leaning forward, she ground her forehead into the palms of her hands, shutting him out. She shook her head back and forth.

"...I was gonna ask. But I've known why the whole time, haven't I? Why did I even-" She let out a strangled laugh, and without warning, sprang to her feet.

"I'd better go," she stammered. Her footsteps were unsteady still, and Jounouchi jumped up after her.

"Mai-"

"No, you don't want me here," she insisted. But she stopped halfway to the door. "I get it now. I GET it!" she said right in his face, over-enunciating. "I. Get. It. I won't even try to make awkward small talk with you at tournaments anymore."

"It's not like that, Mai, I swear it's not like that," he said in a rush. He'd left her alone AGAIN. Now she thought he didn't care. She thought he was ignoring her. Or held a grudge or... or something!

"I'm not an IDIOT, Jounouchi," she said vehemently, and then to herself."Well, I... I figured it out eventually, anyway." Her voice cracked, and it was the last straw for Jounouchi. He grabbed her wrist, and she twisted around. Quickly, he dropped it-what was he doing- "Sorry," he stammered. "I didn't mean to-ahhh, look, Mai, I don't blame you for that stuff. I don't."

"Why not? I did it. Tried to kill you."

"Yeah, you did." She flinched. "But you think I haven't done stupid shit in my life? Hurt people I care about? Tried to kill them? You know how sorry I am about those things? How can I blame you for tryin' to kill me and not blame myself for tryin' to kill Yugi?

"And then you dueled Rafael!" Her head snapped up. "God, Mai, I was in love with you when you wouldn't even give me the time of day. How d'you think I'd feel if you did that? If you lost your soul fighting for me? Not the world or even the rest of us but just ME?"

"You were... wait, what?" Mai stared at Jounouchi, and she was clearly not yet sober. "You... say that again."

"I... bwah... erm..." Jounouchi stammered, secretely hoping Mai would not remember this in the morning. Not because he didn't wnat her to know that he loved her, but because he didnt' want her to know that he loved her... oh hell. Mai stared at him, expecting some sort of answer.

"I mean.. I dunno... I was like seventeen and you were really... erm..."

"Hot?"

"Yes-no-yes-stop it! I'm older now Mai, I don't..."

"Were you really in love with me?" She demanded.

"I dunno," Jounouchi answered, too nervous to sort out his feelings. "Mai, let's not do this now."

"No, let's do it now. Let's do it now."

"You're still drunk-"

"YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!" She shouted suddenly. "You can't SAY that and just... just DO that!" She smacked his shoulder again, but it only grazed him.

"You're still drunk."

"SO WHAT IF I AM!" she shouted. Jounochi flinched, hoping very much that his neighbors would not wake. "Just because you're... afraid, just cause your dad-"

She regretted it as soon as she said it. Jonouchi looked like she'd just punched him in the gut, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. Mai knew maybe she'd gone too far, but it was too late to take it back, so she stared him down. Slowly his shock turned to anger.

"How d'you know about that?" He fumed. _Afraid_.

Mai steeled herself. She had to see this through."Shizuka."

"How much did she tell you?" he demanded. She said he was _afraid. _

"You shouldn't be ashamed of-"

"HOW MUCH?" He screamed, letting the anger boil up and cover the gnawing feeling in his stomach that told him she was _right. _

He was so afraid.

"CALM DOWN!"

"I AM CALM-"

Jounouchi realized what he was saying, what he was yelling. At her. _Yelling_ at _Mai_.

He broke off mid-sentence and let out a strangled, frustrated groan. To her credit, she didn't flinch at his anger. She just held that piercing glare and her voice kept ringing in his head-_you're afraid._ Afraid of turning into his father, afraid he would lose control, afraid of having his senses taken away again and hurting the people he cared about-

He was shaking, but managed to keep his voice at a reasonable level as he said through gritted teeth, "I didn't want you to know that!"

"You know all of my dirt, why can't I know something about you?"

"What?! I don't know a thing about you from before we met."

"Well maybe if you asked sometime instead of ignoring me!"

"Like you'd tell me anything!"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because-"

"Because you'd never actually tell me about your dad? Your parents getting divorced?"

"STOP IT!"

"It's true!"

He bunched up a fist like he wanted to hit something. "I can't talk to you anymore."

"Jonouchi, answer me-"

"I DON'T KNOW!" He yelled, unclenching his fist. "Don't- not now, Mai."

"Yes, now. I want to hear this while you're upset and tired and can't help but say what you really mean."

"I don't know," he repeated. But he did know. Somewhere he did, and he just couldn't force himself to face it.

"Jounouchi. Look at me."

A pause, then he complied. Their eyes matched, uncertain, hesitant, but longing for the answer.

"If you didn't mean it - fine. Just tell me straight. Were you in love with me?"

He dug the answer out from wherever it had been lodged for the last three years.

"Yes."

An answer, but an incomplete one. An unspoken "but..." hung in the air. She could see it working itself out on his face. Yes, I _was_ in love with you, but... His eyes darted about, as if the walls held his answer.

"...are you in love with me?"

The air froze around them. Mai felt the blood rush to her head, heart thudding with anxiety and guilt. It wasn't fair to ask him. He owed her nothing.

Jonouchi knew he didn't owe her this answer. Her three years soul-searching and abandonment did now allow for such demands now. But he wasn't trying to answer it for Mai's sake.

"Love? Present tense?" This desire to protect, to care, for all good things to come to her?

"...Yeah. I love you."

The room unfroze. _But..._ The same unfinished thought hung over them.

"In love with you...?" he wondered out loud.

Her heart thudded louder. She felt hot, and maybe a little dizzy. Words came out. "Don't."

His jaw set, ready to answer her.

"I shouldn't have asked," Mai stammered. "It wasn't... fair..." she was unsteady and stumbled back to the couch. Jounouchi crossed to her as she all but collapsed onto it.

"Y'okay?" He remained standing, arm's length away.

She nodded, head in her hands. "Just tired. Dizzy."

"Sobering up yet?"

"Mostly." Though that had less to do with time and more to do with their conversation.

"You can stay the night on the couch."

"Okay." She didn't really want to stay after all that, but she also didn't want to go home at 3 in the morning. He didn't stick around for her response and went to the bedroom before she could look up at him. Instead she kept her head down, rubbing her temples to stop the oncoming headache.

She didn't even notice he'd come back until something dropped down on her shoulders. The newfound blanket confused her for several seconds till Jounouchi started speaking and she realized he'd put it there.

"You, uh, looked cold. So. Yeah." He fumbled for words, gave up and just thrust a pillow out at her.

"If y'need anything, just come get me."

Mai looked from the blanket on her shoulders to the pillow in her hands, finally to the boy—no, the man—standing in front of her. Her head was pounding. She just wanted to sleep. For several weeks. She was a wreck and knew she must _look_ at wreck-and there he was staring at her so tenderly, and _ugh_, what was he doing looking at her like that when he said—when she didn't know what she felt either—

His expression grew more concerned as Mai stared right back at him. He was waiting for her to say something else, she realized dimly. But... words. Words were not capable at the moment. Wasn't she supposed to leave? She couldn't just sleep on his couch after they—and he said _he loved her_—only until she sobered up—_loved **her**_—

"Uh, okay?" He finally prompted after another minute of silence.

Mai blinked some of the stupor away. "You don't mind if I stay?"

"Nah," he replied with a small smile. "It's cool. Get some sleep."

She nodded. "Thanks, Jounouchi."

He turned his head and mumbled something over his shoulder, and Mai didn't understand, or was too fuzzed with alcohol, or maybe just imagined it. He coughed, and said louder—and this she was reasonably sure he was actually saying— "G'night."

"…night," she murmured back, wondering briefly in the seconds before she fell fast asleep, why Jounouchi would thank _her_.


End file.
